Movie Mercenaries…

…Always feel their sleeves are too long.  It might have to do with wanting to show their muscles or tattoos.  This one guy is showing both right now.

Fight back against racist Baltimore dream police and SkyHitler

I had a dream a couple hours ago (while I was sleeping) that I joined the police so I could help avenge Bodie’s murder.  Anyway I was like a rookie and sitting in the room with a phone at the station and this regularly calling serial killer called in.   He’d usually kill some people and then phone it in to the cops.  This time though he’d killed a hooker and clearly wasn’t that enthused by the thing.  Oh.  Well, here’s the exchange:

SK: Hey, it’s me.

COP: Serial killer?  yeah, what’s up now?

SK: I just killed a hooker.

COP: Was she white?

SK: No.

COP: Call me when she’s white.  <Click>*

Obviously I was pissed.  This was heinous racism.  So, like so many of my dreams, much of the rest of it was taken up by paperwork and hearings in front of the police services human rights committee.  I struggled to change attitudes and such at the cop shop, but didn’t accomplish much.  In the end I got rules put in place that would change the conversation to sound like one of the below:

A)

SK: Hey, it’s me.

COP: Serial killer?  yeah, what’s up now?

SK: I just killed a hooker.

COP: Was this sex trade worker a person of colour?

SK: Yes.

COP: Call me when they’re not. <Click>

 

or,

 

B)

SK: Hey, it’s me.

COP: Serial killer?  yeah, what’s up now?

SK: I just killed a hooker.

COP: <Click>

 

I didn’t feel this was much of an accomplishment, it just seemed like Liberal bullshit, and I was going to keep at it, but right when the compromise ruling came in SkyHitler attacked and we were called to battle-stations.  I flew a MechaJet right into his mouth and maneuvered my way through his internals all the way up into the brain fortress where I again failed to destroy Hitler’s brain.  Memories of my battle against SpaceHitler all over again… 

After that I was stuck in Siberia which is where I managed to crawl out of SkyHitler while he was being repaired, so I didn’t give much of a shit about racism on the Baltimore police force anymore..

There are more exciting tales of how I made my way through Russia in that dream including how I hid in the corpses of some strange Hobos, but it’s really not that relevant and this whole post would become all about my dream as an awesome whole rather than about the light it cast on police underprotection of hookers in Baltimore.

 

*-<Click> here is the sound of the cop hanging up, not him snapping his fingers as if to say “oh snap”.

Movie Review: The Spanish Prisoner

I didn’t like it.

Crapping with the Fuck You

I’m watching “Walking with the Cavemen” right now and it’s making me so angry I could shit.  The host, some moustached asshole, acts like he’s really watching early humans at shit.  He whispers when he’s watching them, and fucking pretended he was in a tree with fucking Lucy.  He Fucking has binoculars!  They’re fuckers in gorilla suits “jumping on his car”. 

One just had fucking well kept sideburns.

This is making me angry because I like the concept.  They just shouldn’t have this douche pretending we’re retarded, or fucking explaining “the power of the sun” or, at the moment, “seasons”.*  (Oh shit, he just acted all dramatic about the wonder of grass.)  If he wasn’t in his safari shit and sneaking up on actors in costumes this could be interesting.  I’m not saying it can’t be playful, I enjoyed that fake nature show about dragons. 

Oh fuck.  In the american version they didn’t use this Hitler-with-a-bigger-moustache looking fuck, they used Alec Baldwin.  Did he sneak up on shit or did he just narrate and they cut this bastard’s silly scenes out?

So tired.  Can’t take this.  There was just a dance off in the show. 

*-Planet Earth just pulled that shit too.  Explaining seasons takes up 40% of the first species.  

Today is apparently be a dick to Ice Cube day

I don’t mean anything by it, I’ve just been listening to like ten of his old songs on repeat.
Anyway, this is more of a wikipedia thing, but you can all imagine Ice Cube added this part to his own page.

Whilst his technique is often straightforward in terms of avoiding similies, he actually uses metaphor to a huge extent in his songs. This has been prevalent since the early days of his solo career, and really came to fruition during Death Certificate. Ice Cube’s lyrics and themes are rich with metaphor.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m tired, but that seems way off from encyclopedia quality writing.
Oh, and I also noticed Cube looks a lot like Turtle from Entourage.